Coping With Grief and Loss With Sameera Sachdev

The unpleasant is not always dangerous. I’m currently burying myself in these words by Sameera. We are just humans, they say. And we commit mistakes. We lose lots of chances and people along the way. Sometimes, we arrive at emotions we never knew existed. Before this day, I did not know that coping with grief and loss could be considered scholarly. Grief is a strong and difficult emotion. But again, the unpleasant is not always dangerous. Until I met Sameera, I did not believe it.

Coping with grief and loss…

It was our first meeting together, talking about psychology of grief, in the morning of November 8. I entered Books and Brews Coffee Shop and notice a familiar face who welcomed me, Edah. There was a seemingly good number of books on the shelves which I didn’t have the chance to check on. Only a dozen or so people were there, most were in groups. Heading towards that closed room around the corner, I told myself this class was for me. I thank Sveta of SvetRescue for hosting this session. Sveta, apart from the coffee and cookies, I thank you for you have a beautiful heart. I know this is your way of coping up with whatever situation you are in right now. But still, you chose to share it with other people so we can also benefit from it. Thank you! 🙂

Well, I look at life positively all the time. People always think that I don’t have problems at all. However, here’s one thing about myself: I feel deeply about everything. For example, I can look right into a struggling person, and would try to offer help as much as possible without him even asking. Sometimes also, I end up lonely and unaccomplished if I’m faced with helpless situations – like the case of the stray animals or failed fosters. Being a deep thinker also comes with struggles on a more personal and deeper level which most people are unaware of.

So, how does this relate with coping with grief and loss? What I’d like to say here is that grief is a natural response to a loss of someone or something. But loss doesn’t necessarily mean death only of loved ones (people or pets). It could also be loss of opportunities and chances.

“How does grief work?” Sameera asked. “Looking back, I have so much to grieve about. I don’t realize it”, she added. It was just a small audience and there’s a long pause waiting for answers till she followed up with a question, How does grief start? “Denial”, I said. When there are events that initiate grief, our initial reactions would be shock and denial. We try to resist the idea because we couldn’t process it.

Sameera also introduced to us the two levels of thinking: Level 1 which is a passive way of responding. This includes diverting our attention to other things, like watching your favorite movie on Netflix. On the other hand, Level 2, which is the ideal way to respond, includes critical thinking. “What can we do moving forward?” Most people are stuck on Level 1. They drown themselves into that event till they lose their identities and end up in depression. If only people know are aware on how to cope with an unfortunate event, that there is indeed a process, they would do things differently.

SELF PROTECTION versus SELF AWARENESS

Guilt. I know it’s not a new word. We feel that when we blame ourselves for not doing enough, for not being good enough. But, why do we really feel guilty? Is it because we are lacking? Does it always have to be really about our shortcomings? Why don’t we shift our focus from our shortcomings to our character strengths? From there, we will magnify these strengths and put them into our new role – to become what we want to be and do what needs to be done.

Moving On versus Moving Forward

There is a difference. Don’t just move on, because grief arises with moving on. And moving on means forgetting that event which initiated grief. Instead, move forward. Move forward by accepting that unfortunate event and showcasing your character strengths. Don’t let those people who don’t share the same values as yours to get the best out of you. Instead of focusing on the insecurity of what you don’t have, try to focus on the abundance of what you have.

It’s true that as we grow, we learn more. I’m thankful to be with this group of people this afternoon. I don’t live a problem-free life. Most of my problems, I try to keep and solve by myself. In every situation where I am challenged, I move forward. I see more. I do more.

Here’s my takeaway today. I hope that everyone is not stuck at being passive at coping up with unfortunate things. If one always try to battle against the failure or loss, he is always going to be unhappy, because it will always be there.  Accept it. Embrace it. Learn from it. You need to find what is good and beautiful from the bad.

Did you like this article? Let littlemisadvencha know in the comment section.

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Stacie
Guest

I love the point you made about people experiencing grief over the loss of other things besides people or pets. You can feel grief over the loss of almost anything that was very important to you.

emman damian
Guest

I want to know Sameera Sachdev. She seems like an expert on this space. I hope to hear more about her.

Julia D. Stege
Guest

I think I need a group like this. I lost my father 2 months ago and have been having a hard time since. I wasn’t expecting to grieve at all because we didn’t really get along and he was 93. But wham! I am still in the throws of it. I am doing my best not to just push past it as I feel it’s probably an important process to go through.

joy
Guest

you’re absolutely right that grief can be related to loss of situations (in addition to people). i have been disabled 5 years and suffer from the grief of the loss of opportunities and health.

Joy at The Joyous Living

katrina Kroeplin
Guest
katrina Kroeplin

we all grieve in different ways but yes you are very right. great information here. i love this.

Tiffany La Forge-Grau
Guest
Tiffany La Forge-Grau

Grief is hard on a lot of people. Something that has always helped me though, is it is a feeling that all of us can really relate to one another with.

onceuponadollhouse]
Guest

This is great advice. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.

Matt Taylor
Guest

I think having good friends can really help when coping with grief or loss. I turn to Netflix as well, watching movies and TV is a great escape which helps.

Kiwi
Guest
Kiwi

You handled this topic with grace. No one wants to face the reality with grief but this article could help someone cope.

Joanna
Guest

It is always very hard to deal with grief, I have been through and it and I know how easy it is to shut down because of it. I didn’t think of loss before as missed chances though, that’s interesting.

Cris
Guest

Grief can be a difficult thing. But we should always remember that tomorrow is a new day!

Nyxie
Guest

I’ve been grieving since the loss of my grandmother and grandfather 6&7 months ago. It’s been hard and I haven’t even really had my family around to support me through it. A group like this would help so, so much.

Sarah M
Guest

Sameera Sachdev is doing great work. I agreed to your point that grief can also be related to loss of situation. Accepting the situation and find good from bad is the key to handle the situation.

Krysten Quiles
Guest

Yes to the things we feel grief and loss over. One of my coworkers recently made a decision to leave the state and move across the country with her boyfriend. Although it’s exciting her last day at work was hard, and many of my coworkers were not understand of why she cried. You can still feel grief even when feeling happiness.

Emily Zielinski
Guest
Emily Zielinski

These are great tips for coping with grief. I think it is important to move forward as hard as it can be at times

Urika
Guest

I love that you included some technical aspects here. Very informative! I’m bookmarking it because I know I would want to read this again 🙂

Marie Phillips
Guest

Many times people don’t even realize that they are suffering from grief because they haven’t taken the time to realize how they feel. This is a really good article! Thank you for taking the time to talk about this very important issue.

Scott Gombar
Guest

It’s been 6 years since my mom and grandmother passed. November is a tough month because of that. I still remember clearly exactly where I was and what I was doing when I got the phone call about my mom. Thanks for sharing this.

Carrie
Guest

What a great article, so insightful. Grief can be so overwhelming, it’s good to recognize it’s a process

Heather
Guest

I think dealing with grief is one of the hardest things we have to deal with. It’s nice to know that there are ways to get support in getting though those times.

Alvern
Guest

You are right it is better to approach grief or loss with critical thinking. Although every person have different ways of going through that process so I respect that more than anything else.

Cindy Ingalls
Guest

Grieve can affect you in different ways, depending on the type of loss. Some types are easier to get over and move on from, while others stay with you, in some form, forever. It’s good to have support to help you through difficult times.

Deborah Butler
Guest

People experience grief is so many different ways and most times also, in their own way too.

Berlin
Guest

I like how you can be positive despite the negative things happening. Yes, it is only by accepting and then moving on can we free ourselves from negativity.

Amber Killmon
Guest

Grief can come after so many things, not necessarily just living beings. Thank you for acknowledging that.

Fatima Torres
Guest

Loss is tough. This month makes three years we lost one of my favorite uncles. It was tough for everyone and the holidays just aren’t the same.

Sara | mshealthesteem.com
Guest

This is such an important message. We all need to feel safe to experience, express and work through grief and loss. I think it’s so important we have open conversations like this more often!

Ada
Guest

Dealing with grief and loss can certainly be tough. This post was certainly eye opening.

Cindy Nico
Guest

What a difficult subject I think we will deal with it in a different way.

Unta
Guest

This is great way to cop with grief, support is very important. We need help of others sometime because grief is not easy to deal with.

Subhashish Roy
Guest

Psychology is such an interesting subject essentially dealing with emotions that cannot be stopped, grief being one. Critical thinking is so very important in addition to diversion techniques. Nice read